Scaring the Masses, part 19

This guy's screenname remains unchanged. I swear I was IMed by Jesus, the Happy Jew.

JesusTheHappyJew: Hello, My child.
JesusTheHappyJew: How are you today?
Me: Fine, I suppose. Though being IMed by a dead person is a
rather odd end to the day.
JesusTheHappyJew: I'm not quite dead.
Me: Ah.
JesusTheHappyJew: I feel fine.
Me: You're getting better?
JesusTheHappyJew: I feel happy.. I feel happy..
Me: I'm not sure if I should whop you over the head now or not.
JesusTheHappyJew: How dare you whop the Son of God over the head?
Me: Precisely why I didn't.
JesusTheHappyJew: I have come to give you some news that I would like for you to put on your worldly Webpage.
Me: Ahh. And what is this news?
JesusTheHappyJew: "WWJD" is not the acronym people think it is.
Me: Oh? Then what is it?
JesusTheHappyJew: It does not stand for "What Would Jesus Do?"
JesusTheHappyJew: It stands for "World Wide Jewish Domination".
Me: I see.
JesusTheHappyJew: I have also come to repeal the ban on adultery.
JesusTheHappyJew: God didn't know Playboy was going to come along and make everyone want to go out and commit adultery.
JesusTheHappyJew: So, fft, it's out.
Me: I see.
JesusTheHappyJew: Also, under that area, bans on homosexuality, bestiality, incest, and pedophilia are lifted as well.
Me: How... lovely... I guess.
JesusTheHappyJew: So you can go out and have lesbian sex with your daughter's dog..
Me: Grand.
JesusTheHappyJew: So, are you honored to be speaking with the Son of God?
Me: I'm guessing the proper answer here is "Yes."
JesusTheHappyJew: Thank you, My child.
JesusTheHappyJew: Would you like to know what's in Dad's CD changer right now?
Me: Sure.
JesusTheHappyJew: Frank Zappa, Ozzy, and Menudo.
Me: Aww, no TMBG?
JesusTheHappyJew: That's in his walkman.
Me: Oh, good.
JesusTheHappyJew: I must go now. Dad wants me to take out the trash.
Me: Okay.
JesusTheHappyJew: Oh, one other thing--I was really stoned when I wrote the Sermon on the Mount.
JesusTheHappyJew: That's about it. Later!
Me: ::waves::

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