Automobile festivities


Perhaps I'm just bitter because I can't drive. Or maybe it's my naturally nitpicky tendencies. Whatever the reason, whenever I'm in a car, I can't help but notice (and usually point out) every little driving mistake that people make. And one of the ones that bugs me most is the fact that some people never bother to use their turn signals.

Why is this? Were all these people -- I've noticed several score over the past few years, since I actually started noticing these things -- were they all asleep during Driver's Ed? And during their driving lessons? Did they get their alien clones to take their driver's tests for them? If so, where did these alien clones learn to drive? And why aren't they driving now, instead of their human counterparts, who are plainly unable to do so? Is this some sinister counterplot to Alien Empowerment? Has it gone so far that aliens can't even drive anymore?! (Yes, I know there's a simpler explanation -- namely, that people are lazy. Hushup. I'm trying to be witty here.)

But really, how hard is it to activate that ol' turn signal? All it takes is a flick of the wrist, a mere reflex action carefully gauged so as to produce a desired response -- namely, that little "Click-click. Click-click. Click-click. Click-click." that your car makes to let you know the turn signal's on, just in case the little lamp's burnt out or you've gone blind since getting in the car. One could argue that it takes time to form good driver habits, including usage of turn signals, but it's not just those crazy teenage drivers I've seen doing this. I've observed businessmen, blue-haired grannies, soccer moms, and just about every other 18+ demographic group you can think of being baaaad drivers. If driving means so little to them that they would forgo such a basic tenet of good driving skills, can I have their licenses? I'd like to be able to drive one of these centuries.

There is one group of people that, as far as I can tell, are near-perfect drivers. In this I refer to long-haul truckers. I've never seen one turn or change lanes without signaling; I've never seen one cut someone off; I've never seen one go twenty miles an hour over the speed limit to get through a light before it turns red. Unfortunately, the same cannot be applied to the bulk of the population. I think the difference is that a trucker knows there are idiots on the road who don't know how to drive, and he (or she, there are female truckers ya know) knows that if he drives like an idiot too, he's likely to send his load into orbit sooner or later. Most people, on the other hand, are too concerned with getting where they're going to think about how they're getting there; the trip is a necessary annoyance, so the less thought paid to it, the better. Hence (gettin' back to our point here) nimrods who seem to think that turn signals are a frill, a mere decoration on their fine vehicles.

"Why do you think your car has signals on it, doofus?", I want to yell at these people. "Do you think they're just pretty blinky Christmas decorations for you to use during the holiday season? Yeah, you're cool, Mr. Holiday Festivities!"  It just burns me up, I tells ya.

In sudden, rather jarring conclusion: I guess I just believe in Christmas every day.

Blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky blinky...If for some obscure reason you want to put this image on your page, fine with me. Go right on ahead and save it to your hard drive, then upload the sucker. Link back if you want. Have fun.

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