Scaring the Masses, part 25

Me: ::eats you::
Person: no
Me: No?
Person: i dont taste good
Me: How would you know that?
Person: hmm.. ::ponders::
Person: i dunno
Me: Then I should be allowed to find out on my own whether you taste good or not!
Person: umm ok
Me: ::eats you::
Me: Hmm... tastes like mutant eggplants.
Person: do i taste good?
Me: Yup!
Person: umm is that good I never tried that
Me: Well, how can one not love something that says 'Blerg' all the time?
Person: hmm.. talking mutant eggplants
Me: Yup!
Me: They say 'blerg. Eat kitty.' And that's funny.
Person: no dont eat kitty
Me: Give me one good reason.
Person: i like kitties
Me: I like kitties too... with gravy. Mmm...
Person: yuck dont kitties make you cough up furballs?
Me: True. But if I cough up a couple more, I'll have enough to knit myself a sweater!
Person: eew!
Me: Aw, you say that like you've never knit yourself a sweater out of... cat hair that you've...
Me: Actually, you're right. Eew.
Person: yes especially stuff youve coughed up
Me: I think I won't be eating any kitties for the next few days. <g>
Me: Windows are still good, though!
Person: well then I defenestrate you
Me: Oooh... and on the first try, toooooooooo::BOOOM::
Person: booom?
Me: There was a stray nuclear device outside the window, apparently.
Person: I'm sure that hurt
Me: Nah, feels nice. Care to try it? I have extra nukes!
Person: umm.. well thats one way to feel good
Person: i think
Me: Yeth, it is.
Me: Drinking arsenic-laced Coca-Cola is also effective.
Person: hmm i prefer pepsi
Me: It doesn't mask the bitter taste of the arsenic as well.
Person: hmm what about in tea?
Me: Hey, now there's something I haven't tried yet! You can test it and tell me how it works if you like.
Person: hmm not tonight
Person: the caffiene might keep me up
Me: Yah, that would be an ungood thing at this late hour.
Person: yes quite
Me: Just like rabid wombat attacks.
Person: rabid wombats? well that would be a new experience for me
Me: Make sure to stock up on wombat repellent! You never know when they'll infest your neighborhood, and they're heck to get rid of!
Person: hmm.. my kitty will defend me
Me: What if the wombats are aided by a kitty-eating eggplant?
Person: then I'll tell [Xidus] to defend me
Me: ::snickers at the idea of [Xidus] defending against rabid wombats::
Person: he can defenestrate them
Me: I'd think he'd be more likely to take one look at the army of rabid creatures coming towards him, and hide under his bed. :P
Person: hee hee
Me: Little does he know that wombats congregate under beds...
Person: umm.. i'm going to check under my bed before I go to sleep tonight
Me: That would be a very very good idea.
Me: Be sure to have a long sharp stick with you.
Person: sharp? can it be shiny too
Me: Oh, yes. The shinier the better!
Person: I like sharp shiny objects
Me: What's really neet is when they talk when you pull the string!
Person: hmm.. i dont know what your talking aboot
Me: Don't shiny sharp things talk to you?
Person: not recently, they've been rather silent except at night when they think im asleep I can hear them whispering
Person: planning my death
Me: I find that dousing them in liquid Spam is the best way to make them stop plotting evil things.
Person: but wont they rebel against the spam?
Me: You'd think so, but they spend all their time happily eating it instead.
Person: hmm and that works?
Me: Well, it's always worked for me. Your mileage may vary.
Person: hmm.. thats not very consoling
Me: I tell it like it is.
Person: well I might give them treet instead
Me: Whatever you do, don't give them Treet! For some reason it creates a catastrophic reaction.
Person: really?
Me: Yes. I know from experience. It's not pleasant.
Person: I see
Me: ::shudders at the memory::
Person: Im sorry for bring up the sensitive subject of the treet catastrophie
Me: That's all right. You didn't mean to.
Me: ...Bob.
Person: hee hee yove been discussing my conversation with [Xidus] havent you
Me: Why... whatever gives you that idea?
Person: umm.. well hmm I dunno mayby you calling me bob gave me that very obscure idea
Me: I don't know what you mean... eheh... want a poptart?
Person: no thanks bart
Me: ::eats it herself, then explodes, because there was plastique in the poptart::
Person: plastique ? pleese explain
Me: Explosive squishy stuff.
Person: really never heard of it
Me: When one watches too much TV and reads too much Stephen King, they pick this stuff up. <g>
Person: to much tv?
Me: I don't watch so much anymore, but at one time it was pretty bad.
Person: hmm
Person: ok
Me: Care for a spork?
Person: ork
Person: bork
Me: Pork!
Me: ::turns into Merv::
Person: eww meat
Me: Pigs.
Person: merv? explain
Me: Ask [Xidus] to explain.
Person: ok i did
Person: he's ignoring me
Me: He saw it.
Person: he said you just ate him ! spit him up so he can explain merv
Me: If he doesn't do it now, I'll have to defenestrate him.
Person: he hasnt yet
Me: fast
Person: what?
Me: merv
Me: pigs
Me: ::shakes head:: Sorry 'bout that.
Person: mmk he explained it now
Me: Yah, he showed me the explanation.
Person: umm is [Xidus] calling me velcro a compliment or insult?
Me: Depends on what you said to him just before he said that to you.
Person: I just thanked him for explaing merv
Me: Fun.
Me: Merv is my hero.
Person: spider is our hero
Me: Step on spider!
Person: hee hee
Me: I promise not to kill you. Or at least not to hurt you too badly when I do kill you.
Person: ::thinks of song and forget the other words::
Me: Spider! He is our hero. Spider! Get rid of Spider! Step on Spider! Spider! We love you spider. Ooooh. I promise not to kill you. And then horns and junk, and then... I forget.
Person: coodie coo coocoodo
Me: Uh?
Person: its how the song starts
Me: Oh, yeah. Duh.
Person: hee hee
Me: Memory good have I not.
Person: yoda! yeah!
Me: Or just a strange megalomaniac misplacing words.
Person: oh ok it could be that too
Me: Or pixies. Can't forget pixies.
Person: where did you come up with the screen name napoleon?
Me: I am Napoleon.
Person: umm ok and Im england
Me: No, really. I'm the reincarnation of Napoleon.
Person: okeeday ::backs up slowly::
Person: ::runs::
Me: Come back! I just want to be your friiiiiend!
Person: ok Im back I just thought it might be from the tmbg song james k polk!
Me: No, I am not of the stump. Stumps are pretty, though.
Person: yes they are
Person: ::starts singing youth culture killed my dog::
Me: Have I created a monster by indirectly introducing you to They?
Person: hmm.. define monster
Me: Scary creature that runs around eating people for no reason and plays backgammon and cheats.
Person: im sure [Xidus] thinks of me in that way
Me: ::snickers::
Me: You probably don't eat people too often.
Person: but I dont know how to play back gammon
Person: oh I like eating people
Me: With ketchup?
Person: but idont cheat
Person: no I prefer them plain
Me: Do not meddle in the affairs of megalomaniacs, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Person: sowwy
Me: No, I'm just saying in general.
Person: oh not you personally
Person: ?
Me: It is a saying people should remember.
Me: And I should now be going to bed.
Person: oh like bouncy ball is the source of all goodness and light
Me: Yup!
Person: why bed?
Person: yuck sleep
Me: Have to be up in about seven hours.
Person: oh well


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