Well, it seems nearly prerequisite that everyone's gotta have a quote page, so I'm jumping on the bandwagon with a 'bomb' that's really an Armour hotdog, as it were. I've collected these from various places -- around the net, books, you name it. Enjoy.

Current Favorite (hello, is this one sinking in yet? Anyone?)

"We have uniformly rejected all letters and declined all discussion upon the question of when the present century ends, as it is one of the most absurd that can engage the public attention, and we are astonished to find it has been the subject of so much dispute, since it appears plain. The present century will not terminate till January 1, 1801, unless it can be made out that 99 are 100... It is a silly, childish discussion, and only exposes the want of brains of those who maintain a contrary opinion to that we have stated."-- The (London) Times, December 26, 1799

Deep Thought (no relation to the computer)

"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window." - Stephen King

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.  - Virginia Woolf

Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe, and sometimes I think we're not. In either case the idea is quite staggering. - Arthur C. Clarke

Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

Everyone has rights; the unborn have rights; it follows that the unconceived have rights. (Think of all those babies [ticked] off at the fact that they haven't even been thought of yet.)

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. - Robert Orben

We shouldn't teach great books; we should teach a love of reading. - B.F. Skinner

Everybody sees what you appear to be, few feel what you are. - Machiavelli

On going to war over religion:
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." - Rich Jeni

An eye for an eye only leaves the whole world blind. - Mahatma Gandhi

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God? - George Daacon


And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Nietzsche

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. - G. B. Burgin

Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane. - Ambrose Bierce

There is a very fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

You're a wonderful friend and a raving psycho. - Ray Strobel

Words of wisdom from Douglas Adams

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

In the beginning the Universe was created... This made a lot of people angry and was widely regarded as a bad move.

'You know, said Arthur, 'it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.' 'Why, what did she tell you?' 'I don't know, I didn't listen.'

Words of wisdom from my friends

Carlo: The bizarre has its beauty.

Xidus: I had a life. It ran away screaming, though. See the hole it made in the wall?

Rebecca: This is the land that sanity tried to forget but the guilt wouldn't leave it alone. [She was saying this about a game, but it also applies itself quite well to my website.]

Twiggy: It is difficult to fear a man with noodles dangling from his ears.

Xidus: It is my ongoing goal in life to alternately amuse and terrify you.

Carlo: Hey! Ow! That hurts! I'm telling! Teacher, teacher! I hit myself!

Xidus: Where there's a window there's a way.

Xidus: Mmm, sporklicious. Froony! Zorkly. Bazarooooooooooni.
Here's a poem I just wrote, with 'abcd' rhyming, in triiambic hexagon. ::ahem::

Toccata and cheese!
Spumoni and Fugue!

Sam: I'm the storm before the calm.

Xidus: Stand back! Don't come near.../I am very dangerous./I know haiku-fu!

Sam: One time I read the Bible and mistook the story for something by Marvel Comics.

Rebecca: The Galloping Gourmet isn't a zombie, just really really English.

Sam: To spam, or not to spam; that is the question; whether tis nobler to suffer the meats and salts of outrageous canned meat, or take forks against a sea of trouble, and by opposing, eat them.

Brian: You put 6 teenage guys in one room on the seventh floor with our bus right below our window and a bathroom full of toilet paper waiting to be drenched and thrown and you're just asking for it!  It's not our fault we almost hit the off-duty cop walking by.

Xidus: Give me a window big enough and a place to stand, and I'll defenestrate the world!


How do I set my laser printer on stun?

Quite frankly, I'm against people who give vent to their loquacity by extraneous bombastic circumlocution. - Eric Idle

I don't want the world. I just want your half. - Lisa Klapp

One of the signs of Napoleon's greatness is the fact that he once had a publisher shot. - Siegfried Unseld

Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy. In a jar. On my desk. - Steven King

Before it was unsolicited email, Spam was a luncheon meat. It is so resistant to spoilage that, if kept in the closed can, it may well outlast eternity and will certainly live longer than you. Believe it or not it was first promoted as a health food. In Korea it comes in gift boxes, and placed end to end, all the Spam ever sold would circle the Earth more than ten times. (That would keep the UFO's away.)

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Wanna submit a quote?

This piece of web madness created, implemented, and maintained by Napoleon.
I like getting mail. Hint, hint.