Note: this is old. Like, really old. The Napoleonic world-domination force's recruition department has largely broken down, and while we're always taking applications, we can't guarantee anyone's being accepted any time soon. Nevertheless, the form is left as is, broken link to the Napoleonic Network and all, just in case it again becomes necessary to know who not to kill when the revolution comes.

Napplication for Napoleonic favor

Before filling this application out please take a moment to read the terms of Napoleonic Associate Membership Status. If you understand and agree with these terms, by all means, continue with the application. If you do not agree or cannot understand the terms, don't come whining to me... ;)

Your full name or amusing alias:
Email address: (e.g.: weirdo@mindless.com)
Homepage (if any)

Please list any megalomaniacs you can think of other than me [Napoleon], and tell me what chance you think they have against me. (Note: the text in the boxes is just there for show, feel free to overwrite it with what you have to say.)

I can't think of any, so sue me.

List, in order of preference, three countries, one of which you might like to have for your -own- when I have taken over the world {{NOTE: USA, British Isles, Russia, Australia, China, New Zealand, Guam, and any country containing a "Z" have already been claimed; requesting these will result in an automatic rejection of your application}}.

Please tell me in 500 or less words why you want to be a Napoleonic associate, and what you have to offer to the Napoleonic cause of world domination.

(We megalomaniacs can't let just -anybody- in, you know.)

Please list 3 persons you would like to have spared when I have taken over the world {{SORRY, NO MORE THAN 4 PERSONS INCLUDING YOURSELF CAN BE SPARED}}.

Please tell me why I should trust you to be one of my associates.(Remember, extra credit is given for obsequious entries.)

List all the associations, societies, cults, or other assemblies you belong to, and explain in 500 words or less why being a Napoleonic associate would be far more important to you than all these things put together.

(Again, toadying is encouraged.)

Please comment, in 500 words or less, on my tastes and hobbies as expressed in the various sites upon the Napoleonic Network (to refresh your memory as to the content of these sites click here), and explain to what degree you approve of or disapprove of said tastes and hobbies.(You know the drill.)

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

You're done. Please choose your fate below by clicking one of the buttons:

(I must warn you, submitting your answers sends you to a page full of ads. Just ignore them.)

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TERMS OF NAPOLEONIC ASSOCIATE MEMBERSHIP

In this document, "you" refers to the applicant, and "me" refers to Napoleon, the creator of this page... just in case you were confused. You understand that by applying here you are not guaranteed a place in my grand scheme of things. That is given to you only if you earn it by the creativity and blind adoration factor of your answers. And if I decide I don't want you as one of my followers, too bad. Your application will be junked, and though you may apply again as many times as needed to get in, I still don't guarantee anything. You understand that there are many levels of Napoleonic association, and that being accepted as a Napoleonic associate means you start out at the lowest level, or associate. To advance to higher levels (these being in order from lowest to highest associate, flunky, supporter, follower, minion, and co-commander), you must demonstrate your usefulness and loyalty to me. You understand that the reason I am doing this is for -your- benefit. There is no application fee, nor will there ever be (though I may occasionally solicit contributions for my schemes), but this whole deal is still for your good. I do not want to have to kill everyone on earth when I take it over; this way I know who is loyal to me and may be spared. If you want to go on breathing when I am leader, you'd best apply... no pressure. Finally, you understand -- this most of all -- that no disloyalty and no ulterior motives will be tolerated in an associate or any higher level of Napoleonic Association member. Failure to comply with this rule -- including but not limited to attempts on my life, quests to overthrow me behind or in front of my back, secret treaties with any of my enemies, and insulting my Napoleonic honor -- will be met with swift punishment, most likely repeated defenestration. You have been warned... please go back to the top to apply now, and have a great day.

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